Grief Loss and Bereavement
Overview
Grief is a normal reaction to loss and is most commonly associated with bereavement, but grief can be a result of any kind of emotional loss. It could be the loss of someone you loved, a family pet, a job or home you loved, or a friendship or close relationship. Some people can even grieve the loss of their youth, fertility, health, financial security or lifetime dream or goal.
Grief is the experience of coping with loss or bereavement and it most commonly manifests itself in the form of overwhelming sadness and emotional pain. It is also a varied and complex process and there are several different types of grief. These can include:
Abbreviated grief
Some people can move through the grieving process quickly, and this is no reflection on how much they cared for the person they lost. It can also follow anticipatory grief as they have processed a lot of their grief prior to their loss.
Anticipatory grief
This involves grieving prior to the actual loss, in situations for example where a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness, so you are able to process your grief beforehand and are better prepared when the time comes.
Collective grief
Can occur when someone famous dies, or in the case of natural disasters or wars, or in a pandemic. Events like this can affect people even when they did not know the people personally. They can also remind us of past personal losses.
Cumulative grief
Where a person suffers more than one loss, whether it’s losing more than one person in your life, or the shared loss of a child that pushes you apart, rather than bringing you closer.
Delayed grief
Can happen when you are unable to grieve at the time because you have practical concerns, like caring for your children or needing to arrange a funeral or sort out a will. It could also be that your loss was such a shock you were just unable to process your grief at the time.
Disenfranchised grief
Is a form of grief that you feel when you are unable to mourn publicly. It might be because you fear other people will think it’s over something trivial, like the loss of a pet or celebrity. It might be because other people didn’t like or acknowledge that person, or because they were responsible for something they didn’t approve of like drink driving, fighting or committing a crime when they died.
Inhibited grief
Is where a person represses their emotions either because of cultural reasons or because they just don’t know how to process or recognise how they are feeling. Supressing your emotions and not processing your grief can result in physical reactions like insomnia, anxiety or panic attacks.
Secondary loss
Is when you lose someone that was very close to you like a partner or child, but that loss leads to you losing other things as well. This could be financial security, a sense of purpose if you were responsible for their care, or your future plan of retirement or seeing a child grow and thrive and having children of their own.
Grief can differ between individuals and there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss. Studies show that there are certain stages people go through in the grieving process generally in the following order:
- Denial – an initial feeling of disbelief, confusion, shock and panic. Feelings of numbness while trying to process what has happened. Some people can carry on the motions of day to day life as though nothing has happened
- Anger – which can cause feelings of bitterness, hostility and resentment. You might blame yourself or other people for your loss and direct your anger either towards other people, the person who has died or even yourself
- Bargaining – Starting to question if there was anything you could have done or changed that would have prevented it, whilst feeling vulnerable or guilty
- Depression – Feeling overwhelmed with sadness, isolated and alone, and so hopeless that you feel that there is no future anymore
- Acceptance – Starting to feel that whilst nothing will ever be the same as it was, and that your future will not be want you had anticipated, that the pain has started to ease . You feel like you have finally accepted your loss and that you now need to move forward with your life
It’s important to remember that not everyone will go through these stages of grief and if they do, they may not necessarily be in this order.
Common Symptoms of grief and loss
Grief can affect a person’s physical and mental health as well as their emotional and social reactions and behaviours and can vary in individuals. The more common of these symptoms can include but are not restricted to :
Physical symptoms
- Sleep problems either because they struggle to sleep or over sleep, or have vivid dreams
- Feelings of fatigue, restlessness, listlessness or exhaustion
- Changes to their appetite either a loss or increased appetite
- Headaches, stomach upsets or nausea
- Tightness of the throat or chest
- Heart palpitations or panic attacks
- Joint pain or muscle weakness
Emotional symptoms
- Anxiety
- Anger
- Numbness or shock
- Feelings of intense loneliness
- Sadness or feelings of guilt
- Feeling like there is no hope for the future
Behavioural changes
- Social withdrawal
- Crying
- Feeling confused and struggling to think or make decisions and deal with everyday responsibilities
The intensity or frequency of these feelings can also affect people differently and they won’t feel this way all the time. They can wash over them like a wave without warning and can sometimes be triggered by a smell, sound, place or occasion.
Taking care of yourself
Self-care may not be your main priority when you are trying to process grief and loss, but it is important both for yourself and for other people who might rely on you for support. You can do this by:
- Giving yourself time
You need to give yourself the time and space to process how you feel, whether it’s by being on your own, talking to a friend, or making time for therapy sessions. You might also benefit from keeping a journal or practicing some form of mindfulness.
- Keep a regular routine
Try to eat well and stay physically active so that you are able to get a good nights sleep. Being active not only reduces cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, but will boost your mood and overall wellbeing and improve your chances of restful sleep. Try not to rely on alcohol or recreational drugs as a way to cope with your feelings, you may have some initial relief but long term it will only hinder your recovery.
- Spend time with people
Whilst socialising might be the last thing that you want to do, spending time with people can help you to express how you are feeling and see how much support you have. You can do this with either close friends and family or you could join a support group for people who have also suffered a loss or been bereaved. Not only can people help you by listening or talking to you, but they can also provide help with practical things like having to register a death, arrange a funeral, or cope with finances.
When to see your doctor
If you find that you are still struggling with feelings of grief or bereavement more than six months after your loss, and it’s having an impact on your daily life, then you should speak to your healthcare provider. If you are suffering with anxiety or depression then they can prescribe you with antianxiety medication or antidepressants if they think this will help. If you are still struggling to work through your emotions they could suggest that you try bereavement or grief counselling.
Therapy and how it can help
There are a variety of different therapies that can be used to help people to work through their grief and loss and to process their feelings and emotions. These can include:
- Bereavement/grief counselling
A form of talking therapy that allows you to talk about your loss and express your emotions in a safe space, whilst exploring ways to develop coping mechanisms.
- CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)
CBT is a form of talking therapy that is designed to help you to identify and challenge your negative thought patterns and behaviours, that are stopping you from processing your grief, by focusing on positive thoughts and behaviours.
- Complicated grief therapy
Is a specialised form of therapy, that looks at intense or prolonged grief that will provide you with tools to help you process complex emotions, whilst helping you to accept and adjust to life after suffering loss.
- Grief therapy
Explores the different aspects of grief, which can include complicated grief symptoms and reactions, whilst helping you to adjust to your loss and the impact it has had on your life goals and how they will need to be redefined.
- IPT (Interpersonal psychotherapy)
IPT can help people to improve and understand their relationships, this can be particularly helpful as it can help them to work through their grief and fully benefit from their social support network.
Therapy can be helpful as it provides a safe space for people to process their emotions and work through feelings of sadness, confusion, or anger, and how they can address any feelings of blame or guilt that may have arisen during the process. It is also an effective way to learn coping mechanisms to manage their grief and show them how to adjust to life after suffering a loss. Written by Jan, Jeana and Wendy at Barnsley Hypnosis and Counselling (UK). For more free Information click above link.